Update for December 17

Introduction - I apologize for being delinquent in keeping my blog up to date, particularly with different trips through out the weeks -- Hawaii and Houston. As my life is unsettled, just with the house remodel, the computer, my laptop, etc. that have yet to be organized, I don't find routine in writing and structure during my day. As I look towards the New Year, it's one of those things that I hope to fine better routine. Also, coming away from a 35-year work life structure where the computer was largely my 40-hour work week, I've had a strange aversion to the computer as a familiar companion....strange, yet to be explored! Anyway, on with the events of my life over the past several weeks!

Hawaii - Maui - My primary image of this time is of intense green, sunlight, warm, breezy air and a few birds making their distinctive calls. My settled routine was to take a 2-mile morning "boardwalk" of concrete sidewalk or slate that ran along between the ocean and beaches and the hotels. The Sheraton was on one end where we were staying and the Hyatt(?) was on the other end. Many people shared this morning walk, run, or lollygag. This was commercialized yet one couldn't help enjoy the green lawns, lounging, people getting their lessons for surfing and watching the neophytes out there in the waves awaiting for their first jump up on the board. One fine morning while Molly and Maddy were off to yoga, Colin and I made the jaunt. As we approached the end, a canoe kiosk guy remarked to his compatriot that there was a pod of whales out to sea. Sure enough, we could see a circle of black dots out there on the sea landscape. Quite exciting since the return of the whales was just beginning.

Most of our 6-party routines involved morning exercise outings. We then diverted to our particular preferences: sunning on the beach, sunning by the pool, or finding more shade....all having that favorite reading material. I read Molowaki (?) which was a local historical novel about the leprocy colony settled on a near by island in the late 1800's/early 1900's. I'm more of a not direct sun person so I often opted for the room balcony with some shade, still taking in the sun and intense green of lawn and palm trees.

The excitement of staying in this commercialized local was the buzz of the basketball teams gathered for the Maui Basketball Classic. The Kentucky fans were the big majority, but Michigan State came in a close second...people wearing their blue or green gear. We went to the 3 MSU games and for the second two games, drove to the stadium so that we could be assured seats in the MSU section by the basket. They were intense, lively games, and yes, I did have to close my eyes in the last few seconds. Why couldn't they be in control??

I felt like I got a way from "IT"; being a person in constant struggle with cancer with people worrying over me. It was a wonderful reprieve to be normal for awhile. I love being around my kids and husband who make it easy to be so.

For Thanksgiving, we found a take-out pantry along the beach and got the full turkey dinner, dressing, potates, and pumpkin pie. We were going to take it out to a picnic on the beach, but for the last couple of days, the tradewinds blew so hard, it was uncomfortable. So we had our deck set-up and it was delightful and intimate amongst the six of us. Other events while there -- we went to the aquarium which was amazing in seeing the diversity of fish and ocean life. John and I experienced a slide key guitar concert featuring native Hawaiian music and the kids found the best sushi place in the world! Also a hight light for the girls was our pedicure/manicure - we were set for the week! and the boys battled the tradewinds for some golf overlooking the ocean.

All in all, a wonderful reprieve from the embattled Montana snowstorm and frigid weather and we didn't want to come home!!

Houston - With a week between Hawaii and Houston, I mainly regrouped, getting ready for the 3rd treatment. Interestingly some of the daily digestive challenges return whether readjusting to the cold or what?

Anyway, the Houston treatment was much the same as the previous two. I didn't have any problem with the heat treatment - it felt good and I felt better afterwards. The second aspect of the trip was to undergo a CAT and PET scan to see the effects of the two previous treatments. Unfortunately, the tests indicated no change in the tumor and in the non-spread of cancer. Of course, we were hoping for more, but also have to take the "no change" as positive as well. Adjustments to the treatment are to take interferon shots weekly (which keep the immune system on alert). I had not been doing those because the insurance company doesn't pay and they are expensive. It was part of the protocol that I hadn't done. So we will institute those in these next weeks.

Missoula - This week I'm back and thinking about Christmas. Family will be home with Molly's parents coming from Minneapolis; Tom and Bonnie from CDA; maybe Janice and family; and Irene. I plan to host Christmas Eve open house with the usual smoked turkey and salad and to see any or all who want to stop by for some cheer. Pat and Molly are hosting Christmas dinner and hopefully, it will be more of a potluck gathering. Plenty of snow to get us out and about!

Featured Friend(s) - Pat, Molly, Colin, and Maddy - My best friends! It's been wonderful to transition from a parent to a friend and mentoring to one another as we negotiate the changes in the world and our life challenges. I appreciate each of you so much!! You allow me to be me and we continue to enjoy our unique interests together. Thank You!

Blessings to all of you who offer your continued care, prayers and positive thoughts! I think of you and wish you the best of holidays with your loved ones and a grand new year! Love, Kerry

Update for November 18

Houston - November 7-14 - My medical team at the Herman Memorial Cancer Center consider themselves Texans and seem to like where they live. A universal and singular impression of Montana among them is that it is: "COLD". "It's cold there isn't it?" "How cold does it get?" "Are there places where it doesn't snow in the winter?" I'm not used to this impression; it's so unlike the responses I've usually experienced which is Montana is one of those last best places to be....it's scenic beauty, the mountains, the unpopulated, rural, wild nature being desireable and enviable place to be. At least us Montanans won't have to worry about mass migration from the south!

So John and I returned this second time with a few Montana gifts. John's mother, Irene, and brother, Chuck, were kind to send us a 5# box of Shepard's candy (carmels, chocolates, nuts) - I love it! Interestingly, Shepard's doesn't have a website or do any mailing of their candy. We gave that box with a picture of Missoula to the chemo nurses and administrative staff and they enjoyed it. For the heat treatment staff (Dr. Bull, Dr. Sieu, Theresa, Rhonda, Tameka, Jacob) which reside over in the Research Unit of Herman Memorial Hospital, I brought boxs of truffles from La Chocolate. They seemed surprised and very excited. Of course, I missed some of the conversation because I was sedated and resting in the Heat Tent.

Above is a picture of the Heat Tent or bed that Theresa is preparing. I lay down and they attach all sorts of monitors to my body to measure temperature, heart rate, blood pressure, etc. (I also have a catheter so I don't have to get up and pee if any of you were wondering!) The second time around was relaxing and I didn't have any discomfort. I was able to wake up enough afterwards so I didn't have to stay in the hospital. I went home to the Marriot and slept like a baby! The release of all the fluids is detoxifying and I come away feeling purified and peaceful. It's like doing the Sweat lodge that I used to do as a "change of seasons" ritual or an eating fast. I don't expect that this will continue to be the case as we progress and that is why there is a maximum of 6 treatments. The intense, continuous heat will begin to exhaust my cells and I may come away more tired. As Amy explains, so much fire in your system increases the metabolism of the cells. My aim is to rejuvenate in between with body work (Joanna and Deb) and acupuncture (Amy).

The first two days of the treatment, as I've explained before, are getting a chemo treatment and hydration in prep for the heat. I also get a lung xray and ekg. There were no tests this time to look at the effects of the 1 treatment. (I may be sensitive, but I feel burdened by people asking me what the results are and the energy and desire to talk about what all this means. I'll try to keep you all updated via blog.)

I tried to have a better attitude and experience spending the 2 full days in the chemo lab. It's not a large room filled with about 12 lounge/chemo chairs. Whether you like it or not, you absorb the nursing dramas (where are the labs for this person, where is the chemo, why does the department manager want to meet with me, and assurances that chemo protocols are followed) and the patients' stories. One patient, a regular participant, is a stately, 78 year old, african american woman who I call the opinion leader of the collective. She gathers many of the stories and befriends the families of many of the people who come. While she works away on her lap top, she has her ways with the nurses and staff and encourages others. The drama this time was that she arrived at 10am and it wasn't until 2pm before the chemo was delivered from the pharmacy for her. Her son transports her to and from the place, but when things are delayed to such a degree and he has to work at 5pm, she had to make other arrangements. So there was alot of finger pointing and discussion about why we patients tend to wait around all the time and have to spend as much time as we do there. Good question! I also brought along a Sue Grafton mystery .... O is for Outlaw and P is for Peril and that helped immensely to transport me to another world and who dunnit!

Other than that, John and I hung out at our Marriot room and went to Rice Village (near Rice University campus) for shopping and dinners. There is an Italian restaurant that was excellent. I got some new corduroys (for those of you who are used to hearing me walk the work halls) at Banana Republic!

This week and next - Just been hanging out this week and trying to come to grips with this snow and cold (OK, Montana is cold!) and lack of sun. The reprieve will be when John, Pat, Molly, Colin, Maddy and I all head to Hawaii tomorrow! I look forward to the ocean air and hanging out! Molly and Maddy are taking me for a manicure/pedicure and some girl time! Pat and Colin will drag John along to a golf course. Of course, a centerpiece will be enjoying some Michigan State basketball (3 games). I've already seen one pre-season game and reaquainted myself with the players. Looking forward to hearing Coach Izzo speak at a Coaches banquet we're attending.

Featured Friends - Barb Plattes and Janet Kekich - These two have come out to share a glass of wine with me a couple of times and I thoroughly enjoy catching up. The picture was taken at Pat and Molly's wedding weekend that we all enjoyed in May. Janet made me a photo album which has been wonderful to have!

Barb Plattes (in the middle of picture) and I go back to the beginning of our careers with the Forest Service. I say this a million times, but she's been my role model for enjoying life. You know how you have those preconceived notions of what motherhood and marriage is all about -- she's showed that you can maintain your girl friendships and having a balance in life with work, being a mom, and having fun. Now, she was the first one of us three to "retire". She's educated us on the ways of facebook, catching Dr. Oz, taking your cruises around Hawaii or across the Atlantic, and exploring the northwest. She's now newly a grandmother to Eli! Thanks Barb!

Janet Kekich (right in picture) - What a big heart! She and I also herald the Forest Service as our base, and she's still at work and enjoying it. Through this cancer crisis of mine, she's one person who is comfortable with being in that "life and death" realm that I'm experiencing. Her daughter, Mandy, died tragically in a car accident in 2001(?) and Janet has continued to feel Mandy's spirit and presence. Janet acknowledges the spirit world and the thin veil that exists. Thus, conversations amongst us are at ease and with a richness that I enjoy. Thanks Janet!

Update for November 6

Houston - Here we come! Tomorrow John and I head back to Houston for a second treatment. This is part of the protocol, to have these treatments about once a month. As I've mentioned the routine before, Monday will be spent getting chemotherapy; on Tuesday I will get filled with hydrating fluids; and then on Wednesday I will spend at least 6 hours where my body temperature is at 104 degrees - enough to kill the cancer and help the chemotherapy be effective. Thursday I will recuperate and then on Friday we will return to Missoula.

I've enjoyed the time off that I've had from having weekly chemo sessions in the past three weeks. As I've mentioned in the previous blog, my digestive system continues to be unpredictable. I'll feel normal or well for part of the day and then another part, I'll need to hang close to home.

When I return next friday, I'll have the better part of the week to rest up....and then the whole crew - John, Pat, Molly, Colin, Maddy and I will go to Hawaii for a Michigan State Basketball Classic. Michigan State has been joining some other teams like Kentucky or Conneticut each year for some preseason basketball. Since I'm an alum of MSU, we've followed the Jud Heathcoate/Tom Izzo coaching legacy and all become fans. Plus, we'll enjoy Maui and the sun and warm weather! More on that next time!

Featured Friend - Sherry Munther - This friendship is another one that goes back to the early 1980's and was initially a Forest Service connection. Sherry is a seeker of the wisdom in life and continues to inspire me with her quest for knowledge --taking Molli classes at UM, book club, and taking in womens' or other conferences. She's also a big community contributor thru Kiwannis, Big Brother/Sister, Missoula Business Women's Network and others. My connection, however, has been more on the personal, self-exploration level. We always say -- I need a "Sherry fix" or a "Kerry fix" and then meet for breakfast at the Shack. She's also got those farm girl skills, like canning peaches, making applesauce or jams and has had me help out. I love it but it still hasn't rubbed off enough that I've used my canning jars! Whatever! Sherry's always been there for me! Thanks Sherry!

Update for October 31

Happy Halloween!! Not sure if I'll go as my usual Ninja turtle (I like turtle energy) or something else from our costume box. I'll have to put something on Katie, our boxer, so she'll rememember this is a different occasion when people come to the door...not to scare them with the big bark!

Extreme Makeover! Since coming from my treatment in Houston, I feel as if I've been in recovery mode. My digestive system is constantly in some stop or start and challenge in feeling comfortable. Thus, this puts me on edge as far as plans to go somewhere, meet people, etc. Yet. overall, I feel well. As I mentioned, it's been wonderful to have my appetite back and I've been on a cooking streak...turkey lasagne, 5 hour stew, jambalya, pad thai, chicken lasagne, and yes....vegetables!!

As I go thru this body makeover, the house is also immersed in a makeover. The exterior facelift of removing the aluminimun and vinyl siding and replacing it with a beautiful wood porch cover and collumns and fly-tight hardy plank has ensued over the summer months. The living room has been out of commission because we replaced windows, changing carpet to wood floors and new cabinetry. Just this last week it has become more "in our face" as the entry way was full of scaffolding and being painted along with the living area. Now onto wood floors and more interior work.

All in all, it's been a good experience. It seems fitting to go thru a physical change in my home, as my body also goes thru physical change. Additionally, my cousin, Mac, is doing the work...see featured friends below!

Many of you ask if I'm still doing the chemo treatments here -- NO - I'm just doing the clinical trial out of Houston which are the periodic heat and chemo treatments. I've continued with my therapies with Joanna Lester and Debra Sharrock which don't interfere, but discontinued some of the supplements and efforts with Amy for the time being as Dr. Bull wants fewer possible conflicts.

During this last week, I've enjoyed a facial and massage from Joanne Synder (how wonderful!), visited with friends, dinner from the Jacksons (what loving energy!) and attended "Festival of the Book" featuring local authors. Thanks to Greg and Sue Super for the movie, "Some like it Hot" (Marilyn Monroe, Tony Curtis, Jack Lemmon) - how fitting with my heat treatments!

Featured Friend(s) - Mac and Connie Campbell - What an interesting, synchronous, and supportive event! I feel like my Dad (who died in 2004) sent Mac (his nephew, my cousin) to work on this project. My Dad, who was so into family, mentored many of his nieces and nephews, but the relationships never stuck or became part of our family - we are an extended family on my Mother's side. Then, Mac and Connie, living in Seattle in 2006?, became close and visited each day at the Seattle Children's hospital where my cousin, Jami (my mother's side), was with her son, Levi at the Burn Center. There she and my other cousin, Genine, valued the "rock" that Mac and Connie provided.

I didn't even know that Mac did the kind of remodeling work that we needed done until last Christmas when we visited. He and Connie were amidst moving from Seattle to the Big Arm area near Flathead Lake. Connie took a transfer from Home Depot and now works in the Kalispell store. Thus, Mac is our contractor! My garage has never been cleaner or more organized and I've realized what a project we took on! Mac's got the expertise and handles all the extra help that we've needed. In going thru the treatments and efforts that I have, it's been nice to have someone here with a great sense of "down to earth". Connie has also made the occasional visit on days off and we've enjoyed doing some walking and she's got me going in making some wool felted slippers (we'll see!) Thanks Mac and Connie!

Update for October 20

I'm back home in beautiful Montana - feels like a sanctuary from the peopled world and of course, the large medical institutions like the Texas Medical Center. I love the drive up and down Grant Creek, trees turning fall oranges and yellows and Lolo Peak tracks the fall weather...collecting clouds or the clear, crisp fall days that are before us.

I apologize for leaving some of my fellow bloggers up in the air -- what about the treatment?? How did it go? What was it like, etc? Yes, I had a successful treatment. Dr. Bull said I got an A+ for my ability to handle it. Here's a summary:

The hyperthermia clinical trial combines chemotherapy and heating of the body to kill cancer cells and tumors. They like to do at least 2 treatments spaced about a month a part and can do up to 6 treatments. They remeasure the effectiveness of the treatments after 2 treatments (so no, I didn't get immediate feedback on its success in that way). The protocol includes a first day of receiving Cisplatin chemo drug; a second day of taking in 2 big bags of fluid because you're going to sweat it out all; a third day of the actual heat treatment; and then a fourth for recovery (spending the night in the hospital). Of the experience, the 2nd day is the most difficult or uncomfortable because you have to sit in the chemo area for a long time and you feel bloated and uncomfortable from the fluids. On the day of the heat treatment, I bundled up with blanket, etc. to get to the hospital at 7am. Sam picked up John and I and led us to the room. The heating area is just like a tanning bed with a lot of comfort...pillows, etc. I initially took Meranol (marijuana) as the relaxant. Laying in the bed, they put a lot of monitors on my body to monitor temp and body response. I felt very relaxed. They also give other sedatives and administer gemzar during the procedure. I don't remember and didn't have discomfort until the last hour or two when the drugs begin to wane. They fixed that and I made it thru. They kept my body temperature at 104 degrees for six hours. In recovery, I was mainly tired and thirsty and spent most of my time sleeping. John stayed the night as well.Then with a few more blood work tests, pills, etc., you're done! Back at home, I'm injecting myself with leukine which is a drug to enhance immune recovery. I'll get blood work done each week to see how my immune system is recovering and I need to be at certain levels for the next treatment which is scheduled around November 8. One other prescription that I got was for Megestrol Acetate as an appetite stimulant....as Dr. Bull said, "see if we can't fatten you up a bit." It works wonders and it's great to be able to eat larger portions and a variety of foods.

Featured Friend(s) - John! It's wonderful to find that your life partner is also your best friend after all these years (32+). He's shown me such support...positive, upbeat, open to talking the heartwrenching issues, and the tenacity and energy to manage the administrative requirements of all this treatment and hang in there with me! He makes me laugh....like his foibles as our travel agent where we stayed in 3 hotels before settling in or as my caregiver at the hospital where he slept like a baby leaving all that responsibility behind! Thanks John!

Update for October 11

Hi all! I qualified for the clinical trial using hyperthermia!! I was so relieved and thrilled on thursday when we received the news. As one friend recently wrote me, "Your blog is so positive, I'm sure that you've been through your ups and downs.", and yes, this is an emotional, spiritual and well as physical trial.
Last week I started off with a lung test (blowing into tubes) and a heart function (injection and watching how blood moves thru my heart. Then Tuesday, was scan day; starting with an MRI on my brain; then a CAT scan which is the usual to see the status of the pancreatic tumor; and then a PET scan which I'd never had before. The doctor explained that you're injected with a glucose that the cancer loves, but not the rest of the body. As he injected me, he said "Let the marinating begin!" All I could think of was my body lighting up like a Christmas Tree!! Wednesday was the painful day with a bone marrow biopsy where 7 attendees witnessed going into my bone but to get a piece - again wondering what that would show. And then for a bone scan. Thursday started off with a hearing test - apparently chemo affects your sense of hearing and you can be more likely to be affected by loud noises. No wonder John's and mine main arguments are his reading magazines or newpapers in bed at night or the TV volume because of John's hard of hearing! Anyway, after all that John and I had to take an emotional time out at Hermann Park where we talked about the scenarios that could unfold with our meeting with Dr. Joan Bull at 1:00. Mortality isn't easy to face!
I skipped over our initial meeting with Dr. Bull. She is a warm, wonderful woman that we met on Monday. She smiles and you feel that she likes you - I feel that she wanted to adopt me when we met. Of course, Theresa, her professional, serious and likeable nurse warned not getting ahead of ourselves. Dr. Bull is probably in her 70's, blond pony tail, wears bright beautiful clothes with a characteristic red waist pack. At our initial meeting there were the 2 of them and 2 other doctors in training.
So come 1:00 on Thursday we were delivered to Room #3 with the examining bench and one chair....I thought....well someone will come and give us the bad results and we'll be done. Prior to seeing Dr. Bull, however, Sandra came by to introduce herself and said that in the future we'd need to be doing all the scheduling for the trial. Does she know something we don't? Not getting our hopes up, we continued to wait. Fairly soon, Dr. Bull came in and jumped up on the examining bench and said, "Well, I suppose Sandra spilled the beans? You qualified! Your tests are great! Your liver looks good....there are a couple of spots on your lungs that we'll watch but I'm not worried. Last thing is that you need to meet Dr. Sue (he's the 3rd person in the triage that handles the trial). He'll look at the test results and run you up a couple of stairs and make a call on physical fitness. I met him and all went well. While we're waiting for Dr. Sue, we send out our text messages to annouce the qualification. Then we take off....We get a call from Theresa that she didn't realize that we'd left and that there were still a couple of things to cover and could be come back.
When we came back we met with the full crew this time and Dr. Bull said that there was one glitch that came thru - my bone marrow item was 35% and not the required 40% for the trial and they had to get an exception. Dr. Bull was working on a letter as we spoke, but they just wanted us to know. Later that evening I got a call from Dr. Bull that all was well!! Finally!
I finished my 1st day of chemo today, have more hydration tomorrow and then the heat on Wednesday. I envision this hyperthermia analogous to Montana hyperthermial (sweatlodge) so hopefully won't be too bad!
Love to all of you and thanks for all your prayers and wishes! -- Kerry

Update for September 30

This week has been one of making arrangements to go to Houston, Texas to try out for the Hyperthermia Clinical Trial. Thanks to John for the constant followup and scheduling, we leave for Houston on Sunday. Initially we'll meet with Dr. Joan Bull on Monday and then begin a series of tests...like catscan, blood work, heart test, chest x-ray, etc. If I'm in near the margins they may do some additional adjustment on Thursday or Friday. If I'm accepted, I could do the initial hyperthermia on Monday or Tuesday. I saw a picture - looks like you're in a body wrap for about 6 hours and are given chemo during the time. You're sedated to some extent to relieve the discomfort. This will be an interesting adventure and at least learn more about this trial.

Thought I'd give a little more info on one of my Healing Team:

Amy Haynes - Master Healer! I'm so fortunate to have Amy helping me out. I'm not a statistic with her, but an individual dealing with cancer. She told me last session that she's avoided taking on cancer patients, but now is getting back into it. She just attended a naturopathic session in Boulder, CO on cancer just last weekend. (She said she was star pupil and sat in the front row and asked all the questions!)

She's done a lot of research in my case and is the one who pushed John and I to look outside Missoula for complementary therapies. She proposed the consultation with Dr. Ralph Moss and from that consult, this particular clinical trial with Joan Bull emerged. While they do hyperthermia in Canada and Europe, Dr. Bull is the foremost leader in the U.S. It's a treatment that focuses on the whole body system and not just the tumor. I had initially thought that Amy's role would be one of more seeing how I was doing each week and giving me the supplements. But she's taken on much more in terms of the research, of calling people and exploring options and being somewhat the strategist in our operation. She's clarified John's and my role - my focus on maintaining my health to the extent possible and to make the decisions about treatments...and John and the boys to help out with research and logistics. That's been so welcome to me since I don't have much capacity (emotionally) for the research and energy to do the contacting and follow-up.

I first went to see Amy in the 1980"s after taking her class in alternative health. She cleared up my continuous sinus infections and then helped me raise the boys thru their childhood years without using anti-biotics for the multiple colds and flus. I've always admired her whole body approach (mind, body, spirit) and the way she uses her intuition as well as medical knowledge. There are so many more tools in the toolbox with natural medicines, acupuncture, etc. than with conventional and primary reliance on pharmaceutical drugs.....although a definite place for those tools as well. Thank you Amy!

Featured Friends - Toni and Bob Ogg These are relatively recent (within the last five years) friends of ours. John got to know Bob thru golfing. They invited us to a weekend at their Whitefish place and introduced us to hiking in Glacier Park. I remember our first hike was to Avalanche Lake. As we were heading back from the 2 mile hike, John tripped on a tree root. As he was falling forward, he grabbed onto Bob and poor Bob cushioned his fall! John maybe surprised them that his athleticism doesn't cover hiking! We were fortunate that they forgave us for this and we've had some marvelous hikes (Highline trail, Siyeh pass, Grinnell Glacier) each year! We've had great conversations, laughs and times together. Bob keeps John's spirits going....going for coffee in the morning. Toni has been a great friend and supporter during this health challenge. She's a wonderful cook and bolstered my menu with vegetable soup, clam chowder, turkey tetrazini, etc. Thanks to Toni and Bob - we are blessed by your friendship!

Update for September 25

Hey, it's me! This is a short blog this week because I'm feeling lazy and going out to enjoy the sunshine!
I finished 2 weeks of GX (gemzar/xeloda) chemo and am excited to have this week off! We finally heard back from our contacting Dr. Joan Bull and the hyperthermia therapy. It's an experimental trial out of the University of Texas. In a couple of weeks I will go to Houston for tests to see if I qualify for the therapy. John's been busy making the arrangements. Otherwise, not much is new. I'll have to post some pictures of our house remodel which is moving along - Mac, my cousin, is doing the work and it's great to have him around. I've enjoyed some visits from Olleke, Janet, Barb, Sherry, and Kathy and have been continuing my other therapies.
I'll write more soon! Love, Kerry

Update for September 17

Happy Birthday, Bonnie - my ever-positive, fun loving sister-in-law! (Although the picture to the left is my featured friend, Olleke.)

This week has been more predictable for me with the chemo and then the nausea setting in in later week. I'm learning my drugs and how to manage so a good week! Thanks to everyone who has suggested books. Ironically, I tossed "Water for Elephants" into my Target basket only to get home to an email from Tom Rhode suggesting the book!

Last blog I gave a list of my healing team so I thought I'd start at the top with a little more info - my Wellness Coach and Wellness Plan:

Wellness Plan and Coach, Pam Gardiner - Getting into this whole life challenge, I soon realized the many aspects of healing - mind, body and soul. How to keep track of it all? I focus on one thing, but other challenges would arise. Thus, I enlisted my coach, Pam Gardiner, to help integrate and bring together all my efforts. Plus, we would identify several themes for each month - like re-introducing a practice of physical activity or researching treatment options. It's been so nice to have a great coach like Pam to listen to my ramblings of activities, concerns and focuses and bring it into cohesion. We follow through on progress and adjust each month. Pam has Wellbuddies Coaching and more information can be found on her website: http://www.wellbuddies.com/ and she writes a weekly blog that I find insightful and humorous - check it out!

My wellness vision is: I celebrate life today and declare the quality of my journey a success because: 1) I enjoy health and well-being supported by a diverse array of practices that address the four dimensions of wellness: spiritual, physical, emotional and mental; 2) I have a strong inner sense of living life to its fullness, being in the moment rather than focusing on the future or any particular end point; 3) I am authentic, able to receive what life offers and to learn from my response; 4) I am enjoying the release of ego that defines who I am by what I have done; 5) I have moved past a tendency toward black-and-white, life-or-death thinking and make a habit of dwelling on the living side of the continuum; 6) I have regular communication with the people who are important to me; that communication fosters connection while maintaining the energy I need to heal; 7) I am able to look directly at, and adapt fluidly to changing conditions - including discomforts and fears - while maintaining emotional stability.

Featured Friend - Olleke Rappe-Daniels - What a friend to make the commitment - "I'll go anywhere, any time to help you with your treatment"! Olleke and I have been friends since the 1980's where we were Forest Service colleagues. While I didn't work directly with Olleke on many projects, we belonged to a women's network that shared our Forest Service and personal life challenges and successes. One of Olleke's successes that we're all real proud is her position of Deputy Forest Supervisor on the Tongass National Forest (17 million acres) in Alaska! She retired as of a year and a half and returned to Missoula where she and Orville enjoy Missoula and their outdoor explorations - volunteering on the sage grouse lek monitoring, hunting, and enjoying what Montana and Idaho have to offer. Now I get to enjoy Olleke's retirement ventures: making the "best cup of coffee", remodeling her kitchen, and exploring the physical fitness side of life. Thanks Olleke!

Update for September 12

Update for September 12 - Whew! I missed a week in posting an update, and realize that it might be a likely occurrence given this journey!

As my cousin Mac was saying, "I think John has a new girlfriend...a Russian girlfriend named 'Nausea'" and yep that was me a week ago...."Nausea"! I didn't seem to have a day off and thus, didn't feel like coming to the computer to update my blog. I also think about things to write about...I wanted to write about my "Healing Team" and perhaps the thought of the time and effort, it would take to write it, also left me with little energy. So, I've recast all that....that my blog updates don't have to be all informative or on topics, but can be as little as just letting you know how I'm doing.

I'm doing well this week. Since Thursday when I received my last chemo, we've also added a new chemo drug in addition to the Gemzar, called Xeloda. I take it in pill form and will do so for 14 days barring particular side effects.

My spirits are good thanks to the attentive care of John and spending time with the boys, Molly, Maddy and friends and family. We've started the football season and having lived in a family of men, I enjoy the season; rooting on the Broncos and the Grizzlies. I continue to enjoy watching funny, entertaining movies...enjoyed Tina Fey and Steve Carrell in "Date Night"! I finished the 3rd Steig Larsson book, The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets Nest" (not exactly positive, uplifting, but it has that woman warrior spirit) and am looking for a next read....suggestions?

Healing Team - Here's a shortened version that I can build upon, but I wanted to provide the picture:

Overall Wellness Coach - Pam Gardiner

Body:

Overall Health - Dr. Amy Haynes, ND. Supporter: Dr. Sarah Lane, ND

Oncology - Dr. Linda Ries

Physical Fitness - Cindy Hart - Adventure Boot Camp

Mind/Spirit:

Body Talk - Debra Shorrock

Energy, Psychic Healing - Joanna Lester

Soul work - Anita Doyle

Featured Friend - I was blessed to have a couple of visits from my long time friend, Janet Grove, while she visited from Phoenix while her husband, Dave, did a month long remodeling job for friends, Linda and Rob. Janet is that female warrior energy - in great physical shape and who has a great sense of humor and loves to laugh. We came to know one another in the Forest Service. A most memorable experience was spending a week hiking around on the Beaverhead-Deerlodge Forest (yes, for work!) looking at prospective Research Natural Areas. Janet was the ecologist guru and I the lackey who got out of my desk job for a week's experience and to drive her around. We hiked over trailless boulder fields up to one basin in the East Pioneers; looked for particular sagebrush type in the West Big Hole. In the evenings as we camped, she got out her botany books to type samples of the day and I lay exhausted in my sleeping bag! While she was here in July, we spent a lovely afternoon by the Bitterroot River in the shade of cottonwoods and caught up. Thanks Janet!

Comments/ Suggestions on books?

Update on Consultation

This blog is mainly an update from our visit to Johns Hopkins since that was the big trip scheduled last week. I appreciate everyone's well wishes; it's always difficult to go to a new setting, meet new people and discuss your situation. All went well.

Johns Hopkins - As I mentioned, we've been looking for other recommendations for additional therapies by a major cancer center. Johns Hopkins offered that opportunity through their interdisciplinary team approach to provide a 1-day consultation. On Tuesday, I and eight or so other candidates met at the large Johns Hopkins hospital and outpatient center; it's like a campus set amidst Baltimore. After our CT scans, we all meet in a conference room and were given a general briefing. The idea of the effort is that one doesn't always get the convergence of many disciplines about one's cancer. This approach offers perhaps more information at once and less conflicting viewpoints. On staff is a nutritionist, pain management specialist, surgeon, radiologist, and oncologist. They view the relationship with us patients as one that can continue and as a collaborative approach with our home base treatment centers. They invite followup questions and consultation.

Each patient is given an office to wait in and then the different specialists make their rounds. I met with the nutritionist and she provided a list of guidelines and some recipes. A research scientist asked for participation in a research effort and so we had some paperwork on family and medical history to provide there. The pain management specialist reviewed my pain medication and said that we seem to have a good approach. Then I seemed to be at the end of the line because John and I waited from 1:30 to 4:30 before the radiologist and oncologist met with us. (Fortunately I was reading the latest Steig Larson suspense novel so it wasn't so bad!)

Basically the bottom line from the radiologist and oncologist was nothing too new or innovative. The radiologist recommended that we add different chemo drugs to the gemzar to get a bigger impact on the tumor. Additional suggestions included the addition of curcumin (clinical trial), stereotactical radiation (go with experienced providers) and exercise. I had a list of questions that Amy, my naturopath, had such as 1) Do they know of Dr. Lentz's work on plasmaphoresis - washing plasma of the 2 blocking factors that prevent TNF from acting to kill cancer cells? 2) Am I a candidate form hyperthermia and what do they know of that therapy? 3) Can they refer me to chemical sensitivity testing if recommending additional chemo drugs? 4) what do they know of immunotherapy? The oncologist was very open and interested in discussing. Unfortunately, I should have had Amy there because I don't have a lot of knowedge to have the discussion. The oncologist was not aware of Dr. Lentz's work but was with plasmaphoresis; didn't know if I was a candidate for hyperthermia, but was aware of Joan Bull's work; wasn't opposed to referral for chemical sensitivity testing, but you need enough cells to test and it's expensive; and had done work on immunotherapy and was interested in discussing.

They will provide a report to us and our providers and the results may be more concise than what I convey here.

Otherwise, we enjoyed our trip to Baltimore. We had been there before - John happens to be a long time Orioles fan (we teased him that that's why he wanted to come to JH!). Unfortunately the Orioles were out of town. I wanted to go back to the National Aquarium and be in seawater, watch fish and jelly fish. However, that excursion was more like watching thousands of bobbing heads running from one view post to the next yelling excitingly about what they saw and they saw it first! Not the relaxing ebb and flow of seawater! We met up with Annie, Molly's friend, who just moved there a month ago while her husband, Travis, attends art school. We went to a great juice shop, Liquid Earth, where I had some carrot and greens juice and a wonderful miso soup with hijiki. Annie just started working a gormet, farm-to-table restaurant called Woodberry Kitchen. She made reservations for us - the dinner was excellent and is exciting to know where every morsel of food comes from and is local.

Featured Friend

One of my oldest (in years of knowing) and dearest friend is Beth McKenzie. We became fast friends our sophomore year in high school and have had many adventures together. That spontaneous laugh we have over a day's event or experience is the imprint of my bond to Beth. Interestingly, we've not lived in the same town since high school - I went to MSU; she was a UM brat. Then I eventually settled in Missoula and she lives in Bozeman (still a Griz fan of course!).

She's been one of my biggest cheerleaders on the cancer front - getting me resource material - the Suzanne Somers book on doctors who cure cancer was great help.

She's also provided me with two "daughters", Whitney and Madison, whom I love dearly and introduced me to her great network of friends. Beth hosts an annual "ladies weekend" at her cabin on Echo Lake and there I've gotten to know and enjoy Nina, Kate, Kim, Angie, Flip, and Vicki.

Thanks Beth - you're the best!!

Comments? I continue to roll on thru enjoyable movies - thanks! Some good ones - Couples Retreat, Soapdish, Bowfinger, Bagdad Cafe, The Answer Man, The Ugly Truth....and more.

Consultations

I realize I'm jumping around a bit with my blog. This issue I thought I would catch you up with some of the consultations we've done outside of Missoula because this Sunday, John and I leave for Baltimore for an assessment at Johns Hopkins so next week I'll have more news there. So heading back thru time....

Johns Hopkins - We've been looking for other recommendations by a major cancer center of additional therapies (abeit conventional) in addition to the chemotherapy of Gemzar. Initially, because of a personal contact at MD Anderson, we tried there and found that they don't give second opinions, but if you want to become a patient (go live there), they will take you in. Then John heard thru a friend that a Missoula person with a similar diagnosis as mine (non removable tumor) that they had used this assessment program at Johns Hopkins. This is the Pancreatic Multidisciplinary Clinic where an ocologist, radiologist and other specialists review your case along with 7-8 patients (that we'll meet) for that week. My records have been sent off. On Tuesday, I'll have an addition CT scan, blood work and physical that morning. Then in the afternoon, we'll meet with one of the team to get the interdisciplinary assessment and recommendations.

Dr. Nesreen Medina, ND - Three weeks ago, we traveled to Seattle where I consulted with Dr. Medina about possible stressors to my body along with recommendations/validation of the supplements I'm taking and foods that work for me. She performs a method of kinesiology called Autonomic Response Testing (ART) to provide an energetic impression of my response to various stressors including infections, exposures and foods. The results were that heavy metals are stressors (results of amalgams - teeth fillings). I also came away with validation on the supplements that I'm taking and the addition of a few. As for food, the ones for me to avoid are beef, dairy, soy, corn and (boo hoo!) chocolate!! The heavy metal result is not surprising to me since I'd been tested 5-6 years ago and had a high mercury reading. At the time, I went thru a chelation therapy, but was not retested. As I shared this with Amy, she counseled me on "one thing at a time"...that while we can address this, doing chelation therapy requires additional work by my body. Overall, this visit helped me feel more confident and comfortable with my foods and supplements.

Dr. Ralph Moss, Ph.D. - My naturopath, Dr. Amy Haynes, has been my leading researcher and push behind complementary therapies for my disease. There is so much out there, how do you know where to begin? She suggested that we consult with Dr. Moss. Dr. Moss is a featured interview in Suzanne Somers book: Knockout - Interviews with Doctors Who are Curing Cancer. He is a highly respected science writer and critic of conventional cancer treatment who has written several books. He continues to be on the forefront in evaluating conventional and alternative treatments. In becoming a client, we received his report which includes background in my type of cancer, evaluations of cancer centers and doctors world-wide that offer non--conventional, complementary therapies and evaluations of various treatments and therapies. Amy, John and I had a teleconference with Dr. Moss in July, and he gave us 5-6 possibilities along with answers to our questions about others. Of those, we are still evaluating 1) a treatment in Germany by a Dr. Lentz; 2) whole body hyperthermia - a clinical trial by a Dr. Joan Bull, University of Texas; 3) the use of Iscador (mistletoe) thru injections - we are doing this one. Amy got the medicine from Germany. Many Europeans are given this complementary treatment but it is not available in the U.S.; and a few others. More to come from our research here.

Virginia Mason - Many will remember our initial trip to Virginia Mason in Seattle. Several contacts had been thru this treatment program. We also got additional information about my cancer thru a laparoscopy procedure. The doctor recommended that I follow their protocol which included some additional, harsher chemo drugs and then come out there after the wedding for the 8-week program. I decided that I wanted more quality of life and the option to pursue other complementary therapies than this stronger, brute force chemo approach.

Featured Friend - The "Forest Service Family" - I've realized through my challenge what strong bonds exist in the organization. Who would have thought that just because we don't live together in a small, rural community and nowadays interact via teleconference, email and video conference that we could develop such caring, heart-felt bonds?

I'd like to thank those of you who have continued to send a post-card, email, card, or note letting me know that you're thinking of me and thanks for sharing a bit of your life. (Please excuse if I miss some)....but thanks to:

Sue Heald, Lois Olsen, Janet Bean Dochnahl, Peri Suenram, Jane Weber, Karen Mollander, Joni Packard, Ann Carlson, Cathy Stewart, Merideth Webster, Gail Swanson, Bev Yelczyn, the Dakota Prairie crew, the Flathead Leadership Team, Paul Bradford and Kootenai National Forest, Bev Young, Janet Kekich, Loretta Chambers, Kathy McAllister, Barb Plattes, Olleke Rappe-Daniels, Sherry Munther, the Timchaks, Sharon Friedman, Lis Novak, Chris Ryan, Chris Tootell, Tom Rhode, Mary Manning, Jolyn Wiggins, Linh Hoang, Beth Hahn, Robin Strathy, Rosa Nygaard, Ann RhysSikora, Janet Grove, Linda Pietarienan

Comments? Please send me courage and prayers on Tuesday. These consultations, particularly conventional, are plunges into a stark, statistical reality and can be very discouraging. Love you all -- Kerry

Healing Systems

Healing Systems - As my naturopath, Amy Haynes, mentioned to me, the difficulty of my particular cancer is that it is systematic, thus the importance of treating the whole body - treating the system. Several therapies that I've been doing since May have been hydrotherapy and buteyko breathing. Here's a little info about each:

Hydrotherapy - is an age old remedy that engages the autonomic nervous system and the two branches: the sympathetic and the parasympathetic. The job of the sympathetic nervous system is to help your body deal with stress...the fight or flight response. The parasympathetic system repairs and rebuilds; responsible for digestion and its efficiency.

This therapy involves applying hot and cold packs on the core of my body and using electric currents to stimulate as well. I lay down under a warm wool blanket and a hot, wet towel is applied to my chest and abdomen for 5 minutes. Then, the fun starts when Dr. Sarah Lane, my other naturopath, replaces the warm with an icy, cold wet towel to what she terms, "a jump in Flathead Lake". I have that on for 15 minutes with the challenge of my body working to heat it up. Over time, I'm getting better at it. Meanwhile I have electrodes just below my shoulder blades on my back for electric stimulation. Then, the cold towel (warmed up hopefully) is removed and the electrodes are moved to stimulate the parasympathetic system which is front and back near my stomach for another 15 minutes. Then I flip over for a repeat of the hot and cold on my back.

I do 2-3 of these treatments a week with the goal of getting at least 50 treatments. Directly, they do stimulate my appetite...by the end, I have something I'm yearning to eat.

Buteyko Breathing - The theory and process was developed by a Russian and thus the name. It actually involves reduced breathing rather than one might think of a breathing technique. The purpose of breathing is to provide the body with sufficient oxygen and to remove excess carbon dioxide. When you run fast for any length of time, it would be appropriate to breathe heavily and quickly. Sitting in a chair, breathing heavily and deeply would be excessive or hyperventilation, because you don't need that much air to move in and out of your body when you are sitting.

The purpose is to regulate or balance the amount of CO2 and oxygen in your body. With too much oxygen, the oxygen tends to bind tighter to hemoglobin and is then less available to tissues. So the exercise that I do each day, helps me monitor my level. When I first started, I could hold my breath (controlled pauses) for about 11- 18 seconds. The goal is to be around 40 seconds and averaging above 35-second holds begins to affect your system and level of energy. In between the controlled pause tests, I practice reduced breathing for at least 5 minutes and one practice takes about 30 minutes. It's also great for meditation! I now average 36-42 seconds.

Featured Friend - As I get my pictures lined up, thought it would be nice to share some of my wonderful friendships and the people who keep me going! No order and certainly won't cover all of you who enter my thoughts and provide loving support!

Kathy P - She's my instigator in the boot camp and as I've realized, the catalyst in many of my ventures! My next door neighbor - we've taken our families to Ireland and England together, enjoyed wine country for our 25th wedding aniversaries, spent wonderful time in Paris and all the museums, survived the Smith River float with two 16-year olds, and took a tour of Russia in 2005. Kathy is always checking in....a great texter! Thanks Kathy!

Comments? Do you have any favorite "smoothie" or "juicing" recipe. I followed Olleke's lead and bought a vita-mixer and now have the challenge of adding this to my diet!

Update for August 6, 2010

My Health Perspective - Last week I provided the oncologist's view of my health situation. My perspective is broader, less limited and more optimistic. I believe the body as part of the soul has an itelligence and with that intelligence, has the power to heal. Knowledge, communication, and intuition are all key components to linking mind, spirit, body and facilitating the healing process. The body is not like a structure such as a car - that we mechanically keep running, fix parts and treat mechanically. As a living , intelligent system - the body has the system in place to heal.

Thus, my challenge is to become more trusting and communicating with my body to heal; to work with the tools, supplements, including chemotherapy and bless their contributions. In future blogs, I hope to discuss those therapies that have helped me.

Rejuvenation - One of the things that struck me in this health journey was noticing people's, animal's, plant's life force - the energy! Such a blessed thing to have!

One of the efforts that has helped me with strengthening and regaining energy has be getting back to Cindy Hart's Adventure Boot Camp. My wonderful friend and neighbor, Kathy Pritchard, asked me to try it back in September 2008 and I became a fan ever since.

The picture on the blog is of Cindy and some of the other converts: Molly (daughter-in-law), Pat (son), me and John. We're part of the 6:30am crew. I can fit my regime well with those who go at their ability. I can't thank Cindy enough for hanging in there with me, encouraging and accepting of my need for this energy boost!

PS. Wedding Photos - Some have asked about seeing Pat and Molly's May 29 wedding photos. They can be viewed on www.greendoorphotography.com under weddings and Pat and Molly Boyle. With 625 photos - 1st part are prep; middle the wedding; and latter, the reception and dancing.

Comments/thoughts on health perspectives or rejuvenation??

Update for July 30, 2010

Introduction

I've finally gotten around to posting information about my health situation and hope to do so on a weekly basis. I have so appreciated the cards, letter, prayers that you are sending my way - you don't even have to send anything, my thoughts roll to you and I feel the loving energy of support. I appreciate all the friends and family who are in the strong mix, but as well all those whom I didn't know that well or who have become new acquaintances.

In part I'm doing this because I can't keep up with all those are wondering how I am doing. I've sent a few updates out thru the Forest Service Network, but no longer want to burden such mailings with someone who is off in retirement. With those who are interested, you can save the blog as a favorite.

For this post, I thought I'd try to recapture my diagnosis and outlook and briefly mention current therapies and next steps. In further blogs, I will explain those therapies and update on next ventures.

I might have a question for you here and there and appreciate any comments you might have.

Diagnosis and Outlook

In late March, I was diagnosed with adenocarcinoma pancreatic cancer - a large advanced tumor that is not removable because it is wrapped around a major artery. Additional testing was done in Seattle at Virginia Mason to examine the extent of the spread. Thru laparoscopy procedure into the abdomen, it was determined that none of the other organs were compromised at this time, however, malignant cells were found in a wash of the peritoneum. This means that I have peritoneum disease or metasis in the abdomen. This complicates just focusing on the tumor.

According to the oncologists, this puts me in a "control the disease" vs a "cure the disease" state. The Gemzar chemotherapy drug is currently aiming to do this. Fortunately between the 2 CAT scans we have seen no change in the tumor. In the meantime, It's given me time to focus other aspects of my health....what are the stressors to my body? what therapies can stimulate my immune system, my health? what should I be eating? what supplements should I be taking? are there other anti-cancer drugs out there that can complement? How to keep up diet and exercised? How to deal with all the emotional and psychological issues?

So overall there is no prognosis in how much time before things could regress....only that we have to see what my body can respond to and sustain. Here's where prayers and positive thoughts make a difference!

List of Current Therapies (for future discussion)

Conventional -Chemo therapy (3 weeks on 1 week rest)

Complementary

Weekly Iv's - glutathione and supplements

Hydrotherapy

Buteyko breathing

Modified Citrus Pectin (anti-cancer)

Venus Fly Trap (anti-Cancer)

Boswellia (anti-cancer)

Revereratrol (anti-cancer)

Supplements - pancreatic enzymes, vitamins, adrenal support, immune support

Body Talk

Energy, Psychic Healing

Ozone Therapy

Hart Boot Camp

Wellness Plan

Consultation on stresssors to my system, supplement and food program

Questions, Comments??

One of the things I'm supposed to be doing is watching funny movies, etc. - belly laugh or positive....Do you have some of your old time favorites?