Update for January 5

New Year's Resolutions - A natural topic for my blog at this time would be the turn in the New Year and new year resolutions. And it works! My outlook lately has been one of feeling a new stage of life. It's been 9 months since my cancer diagnosis, and I feel I've worn out the "shock and awe" of that time. I feel more at peace with my situation and loving the moments of living and being in the world. I find it's timely to return to things such as my work life (that I left within a weeks time) and now grieve the loss of my work and the many wonderful friendships and team efforts that I enjoyed. Grieving for me is experiencing the moments of sadness that arise over whatever small triggers a day brings - an email from a friend, newspaper stories of the Forest Service, etc., and I welcome this release. Otherwise, I've been stuck in some ridiculous tendencies. For example, I've hated getting on the computer. And what did I do consistently 40 hours per week for the last 20 years, but use the computer as the primary source of my work and communication with others. Additionally, other than the blog, I've been reticent about identifying my new "tribe(s)" and initiating connections with my friends.

As resolutions, I think of mine as turning points and watching for openings to try new things:

1) I choose to reflect on my life and grieve, where true, the things that I miss about my previous life;

2) I want to develop a structure of reading and using other media to explore all the things that I've not had time to explore - what a wonderful opportunity! The history of ancient Greece, China, the middle East, Europe,etc. - I never took a history course in college. One of the perks working for the Forest Service was knowing about the land and wildlife - I'm fascinated with the efforts of people to learn about the animal and plant worlds. When I mention a "structure", I think of it more as a commitment of time rather than the development of an outline of what to study or read. I'm more on the bent of an intuitive, eclectic approach. I just read Steve Berry's latest mystery, The Emperor's Tomb. While simple entertainment, there was a map of China and historical background on such a rich culture. This may lead to drier, more technical materials. Now I'm reading, The Wolverine Way by Douglas Chadwick which is about the study of wolverines. Much of it is centered in the Many Glacier area and Glacier Park where I've had the opportunity to hike over the last couple of years. Such effort to explore these parts in winter times and how the animals live - fascinating! Then there's always the Charlie Rose interviews on world players and politics that I tape and watch later!

3) I will explore writing as a creative expression of my health situation. Interestingly, at the annual Festival of the Book conference in Missoula this last fall, one panel included four women who had each written memoirs. They had done it, not because they thought their life so interesting or that they had a message for the reader, but rather as a way to help them through a particular challenging time.

4) I will be open to opportunities to join or develop new "tribe(s)" and friendships. As I've found over the last 9 months, all my relations have been renewed, re-defined to some extent. It's like we must all recover from the "shock and awe" of having a friend befall a health crisis and get beyond feeling like the first or only topic of conversation must be how that friend is dealing with her health.

We'll see how these "resolutions" pan out over the next three months. I probably didn't write them in proper form, but they will be useful for me.

How about your resolutions? Any to share? My suggestion is to notice things in your life that you are doing that you don't want to do but feel that you ought to do them for others, etc. Life is too short!!

Featured Friend(s) - Genine Berard (cousin) and her clan! (Gerry (my aunt), Chris (husband), Brittney (oldest daughter), and Brook and Morgan. She calls me her "hero", but as the older of the cousins, I've remembered her as fearless! Like waterskiing and she dared taking those two skinny legs outside the wake - I remember she had one leg stuck on each side. As we've added our families, she's shared her wonderful daughters. We took a girls trip over spring break one year and stayed in the big city of Portland - there I learned how much time I would have in the mornings while waiting for the girls to get ready! And we had fun at the beach at Canon Beach - can't believe she put ice in her red wine! And now, Genine's been in touch with suggestions and just stopping by as they travel from home (Post Falls) to Kalispell to visit her mother Gerry. Thanks to Chris for sharing his amazing photos of air flights he's taken across northwest as well as text photos of family events. Brittney is that bright positive light of energy - working hard on her nursing degree at Boise State. Brook joins Brittney at Boise State but is that Aries warrior energy of exploring all at once - in accounting, but also life in general. Lucky Morgan, at 16, gets to experience the "only child" thru her teenage years! Thanks to this amazing family in your love and support!